You do not need to have all the answers

One of the most common fears people have when a loved one is struggling is: “What if I say the wrong thing?” The truth is, the biggest mistake you can make is saying nothing at all. Most people who are struggling do not need you to fix their problems — they need to feel heard, seen, and not alone.

This guide is for anyone supporting a partner, family member, friend, or colleague through a difficult time.

What to say

• “I have noticed you seem different lately. How are you really doing?” — Specific, gentle, and opens a door without forcing entry
• “I am here for you. You do not have to go through this alone.” — Simple and powerful. Presence matters more than solutions
• “You do not have to explain everything. I just want you to know I care.” — Removes pressure to perform or justify their experience
• “What would be most helpful for you right now?” — Empowers the person to identify their own needs rather than imposing yours
• “It makes sense that you feel this way given what you have been through.” — Validation. One of the most healing things a person can hear

What to avoid

• “Just think positive” or “Look on the bright side” — Dismisses their experience and implies they should be able to will themselves better
• “Other people have it worse” — Minimises their pain and adds guilt on top of an already difficult experience
• “I know exactly how you feel” — Unless you have been through the exact same thing, this can feel dismissive. Try “I cannot imagine how hard this is” instead
• “You should just…” — Unsolicited advice, especially when someone is in distress, is rarely helpful. Ask first: “Would you like my thoughts, or do you just need me to listen?”
• “Are you sure it is that bad?” — Questioning the severity of someone’s experience can shut them down entirely and damage trust

Practical ways to help

Listen more than you speak

Active listening is the single most powerful thing you can do. That means putting your phone down, maintaining eye contact, reflecting back what you hear, and resisting the urge to fill silences or redirect the conversation to your own experience.

Check in regularly — not just once

A single “Are you okay?” is kind. Regular, consistent check-ins show sustained care. Something as simple as “Just thinking of you today” via text can make a meaningful difference.

Help with practical things

When someone is struggling, everyday tasks can feel mountainous. Offering to cook a meal, do a grocery run, walk the dog, or sit with them while they do admin can relieve pressure in tangible ways.

Encourage professional support (gently)

If the person seems to be getting worse or has been struggling for weeks, gently suggesting professional support can be life-changing. Frame it positively: “A therapist could give you tools and a space that I cannot — and you deserve that level of support.”

Respect their pace

Recovery is not linear. There will be good days and setbacks. Avoid treating every bad day as a crisis, and celebrate small progress without making it performative.

Looking after yourself

Supporting someone through a mental health difficulty is emotionally taxing. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Make sure you:

• Talk to someone about your feelings — a friend, another family member, or a therapist
• Set boundaries around your availability without guilt
• Maintain your own routines, friendships, and interests
• Recognise when you need professional support yourself
• Remember that you are not responsible for fixing them — only for being present